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Beth, our Pastoral Worker, recently attended the Biblical Counselling UK conference. Here she shares what it was about and some of what she learned...


Trauma arrives. Trauma is real. Trauma intrudes. Something happens, sometimes keeps happening to someone. They cannot cope, helplessness pervades. It disrupts normal life, it overwhelms, it’s dark, ugly and the effects remain and keep remaining. How do we navigate trauma? Where is Christ in our trauma?



Trauma was the focus at this year’s Biblical Counselling conference which I had the privilege of attending. It was a mixture of the hard and hope. Hard, because sitting in the ash heap of extreme suffering and seeing the effects on our lives hurts, is messy and complex. Yet mingled in the darkness was hope. Comfort arising in the depths of the anguish, found as the beauty of Jesus emerges, crushing the ugliness of trauma by breaking “the powers of chaos and evil ... by taking the ugliness of the cross and making it beautiful” (S Midgely). How do we navigate helping one another when reeling from deep anguish and distress and the impact which this dark intruder has on our lives? How do we care well amidst the darkest of evils in our world? How can we love and care for one another in the face of our trauma?


As we walk alongside one another at the Village Church, here are five things to reflect on and chat about when considering how we care for one another when trauma invades (taken from Helen Thorne and Steve Midgley’s Church Based Care session at the conference):


  1. Our calling as community - As Church family, broken and messy and living alongside each other, we seek to bring God’s hope to light in the darkness of the fallen world. We seek to be a good friend by walking alongside others, sharing our lives and gifts. This will look different for each of us but we remember we all have a part to play in a variety of ways and it’s in our variety God brings rich blessing to His children. In the middle of trauma, we seek to be devoted to: Prayer, for and with each other; listening rather than probing, by having a firm hold on our tongues, and, slow to speak, so, radiating a willingness and compassion to hear what our brother or sister desires to share with a sympathetic heart posture; speaking in wisdom faithful to the truth of Christ and confident in His promises; humble servant hearted love, the foundation for sharing in each other’s pain and leads us to encourage and serve in the deep pain. Humility and sacrifice are the heartbeat of our actions, remembering we can’t do everything but we are willing to do what God asks of us.


  1. Our calling in conversations and continued support - As we provide support as God’s church we lovingly seek to embrace the beauty and power of small things. We love someone by including them in our family meal time once each week, giving them a place at our table. We do  life together whatever that might look like; cleaning the house, making meals, baking, watching a football match, shopping, sharing hobbies, going on holiday, having times that are antisocial, giving space. We check in with no pressure to share something they don’t want to share. We desire to help one another in our darkness to make small steps to safety and security, feeling connected and loved. We chat, wisely finding out how the week has been and how we can pray. We rest content in helping each other trust God a little more by praying together, memorising scripture, looking for God together and “being a rock solid encourager, who is certain of hope”. And as we walk together so we keep praying for each other. It’s the most loving and powerful thing we can do.


  2. We remember the reality of the darkness and battle: Satan is real. Satan is evil. He wills and schemes evil, and trauma reminds us that we are wrestling against him, against   “rulers…authorities…cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Ephesians 6).


  3. We remember who God is and what He desires: It’s God’s responsibility to heal, that role does not belong to us! We cannot make someone better. As we look at Job’s experience of trauma and see how hope emerged in the darkness, we remember that,  “Trauma is not beyond God, it belongs to God” (S. Midgley). Satan is kept on a leash. God has the ultimate control. So, we can  simply be content to know that “what God wants from us in Job like suffering is neither repentance nor deep spiritual discipline. All He wants for us is to hold onto Him - not to curse and walk away, but just to maintain our relationships with Him through tears and sackcloth”.  (Erin Ortland)


  4. We remember our calling: To be a faithful, present friend, who  personifies the beauty of God Himself by lifting  each others  eyes in the  darkness and ugliness of trauma to see Jesus’s beauty.  God does just this with Job! Amid  Job’s deep anguish, torment and pain He turns up, listens then  speaks and as He does He turns Job’s eyes to Himself and all that He is and  His startling beauty through creation. Might this be our hearts desire here at Village Church  “…to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him” (Psalm 27), the One who has entered the darkness of our world and defeated the most heinous evil.

Updated: Oct 11, 2019

Kate Short reflects on a Biblical Counselling UK seminar she attended (with Anna Daniel and Sarah Cleave) in September...


What characteristics come to mind when you think of a perfectionist? Someone who has an immaculate home, perfectly trimmed lawn and well-behaved children? Someone who can juggle their 50 hour job with the stresses and strains of family life whilst remaining seemingly calm and without a hair out of place? Someone with a precisely colour-coded and well organised calendar, who is highly competent at everything they turn their hand to?


Well, I am a perfectionist and I’m not proud of it. And not just because I am a failing perfectionist with an unemptied dishwasher and dusty skirting boards! I have come to realise that regardless of what society tells me about the merits of being a perfectionist, it doesn’t seem possible to have it all. Being a perfectionist leaves me tired, burnt out, frustrated, annoyed and anxious. It makes me proud and quick to see others’ shortcomings. I can become controlling and critical, but also a passive people-pleaser. I am often deaf to encouragement and praise and agonise over decisions for fear of making “the wrong one”. Perhaps this feels familiar.


Perfectionism is all about striving to achieve the high standards that we individually set for ourselves. Our perfectionist tendencies might manifest themselves in different ways but they’re easy to identify if we look at how we react when we hit or miss our own standards. Sometimes they’re reactions about trivial things (depressed and despondent when the pudding collapses and tastes terrible when there are guests over) and sometimes they’re more serious (contemplating giving up significant responsibilities for fear of not being good enough) but our reactions demonstrate how much our worth, energy and emotions are wrapped up in achieving the standards we set for ourselves. Perfectionism can have a knock-on effect for those around us too; when we snap at our spouse for leaving the dishes on top of the dishwasher or when we grumble about the friend who has cancelled plans to meet up for the fourth time in a row. In short, striving for perfection now always seems to leave a bitter taste; expectations never quite seem to match up to reality.



Wonderfully, the Bible has an answer for the constant striving for perfection, and it’s not try harder and be better. Perfectionism is a sign of misplaced security; our sense of worth is based on whether we are winning or failing, fitting in or cut off. It doesn’t consider what God has to say to us about who we are. The lie of perfectionism is that by achieving our standards we’ll be happier and more fulfilled. That the answer is found in us. But, our freedom has been achieved by Jesus’ performance, not our own. I can never achieve my standards, let alone God’s, but Jesus has. There is nothing boast-worthy or perfect to be found in us. Perfection can only be found in Him. Jesus has accomplished it all. One day we will be in a perfect world; our sin, our striving, our sorrow at failure won’t be there. Chaos will be gone and order restored - everything will be as it should. But that day isn’t now. Rest in Christ’s performance and not your own. Embrace your weakness and let it lead you to depend on the only One who is perfect.


'Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need' (Hebrews 4 v 14-16)


The next Biblical Counselling UK seminar will be on 'Introverts and Extroverts' on Monday 4th November (see the Calender for more detatils). Kate, Anna and Sarah would love you to join them. Please talk to them if you'd like to go.

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